Well today I didn't take any of his calls and I didn't answer any of his text messages. I am very proud of myself for this! I haven't talked to him since last night which yes I understand that doesn't seem like along time but since we have been together we have never gone this long without talking even when we were seperated before we still talked all the time. This is vvery hard for me, he know I am not doing anything I have the 3 kids to take care of but I have no idea what he is doing. Well I do have som idea but I know everytime I think I know it is always way worse. I saw on his ohone bill he has called B all day which must meanhe is really needing some crack. I cannot believe him. I am just having the hardest time understanding this... I know I have said this before but why is he doing this to us?? I don't get it, me and him have had conversations and he has told me that he knows he was hurting his kids and he would never ever do it again. I love my kids more than anything in the world and I could never and would never hurt them this way. It is so damn hard for me not to call him.... All we would do is fight or he wouldn't answer and then I would go crazy and call over and over and over for an hour till he decided to answer. God I just want to punch him in the face and ask him WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING THIS????????? Someone please help me understand and cope with this cause I am seriously about to explode inside. At least he is getting an out he gets to get high and have a few good monments.... You know he hasn't even called to check on his kids or say hey I know tomorrow is Labor day and I am off and you gotta work so how about I watch the kids, hell no nothing about the kids no text to even check on them. Our son has been sick and we took him to the Er Friday night and has he cared to call and see how he is. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why does the anger stop????
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2 comments:
It's so painful and scary and infuriating when they are so messed up. He's not doing this to you -- he's doing it to himself, because he loathes himself and is ashamed and in pain -- you and you're kids are not the target. You're collateral damage. That's the way it is with damn addicts, their pain sprays out and infects us all.
Hope your son is ok. Take care of yourself.
He is not doing this TO you or TO your kids he is doing it to himself. Dont think "why is he doing this to me?" It's not you its him.. i used to always ask myself that then i realzied thats a silly questions to ask. Its not that F (my "fiancee") doesnt love me or want to marry me yada yada yada.. he just loves that drug more when he uses. The only way i can be with him is if he stops and the only way things will get better and easier is if he stops. Thats what it all comes down to for me at least. its good that you started a blog it has helped me alot, As soon as somthing happens i run for my computer and start typing away. Its good to just get it out and to see what others have to say about it. Keep blogging and i'll keep reading
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