When will I be #1

I want to know when I will get to be #1 in someones life. I was never number one to my mom and my dad seemed to for get I exsisted. They were both alcoholics. Now my husband is an addict as well and I when he wasn't his mom was his main concern. Why is it that everyone in my life that I love and care for has something that is more important. When will I get to be someones priority??????? I want someone who cares about me and thinks of me all the time and wants to do everything they can to make me happy and just to love me for me..... I have my kids but even they would rather be at their grannys house than with me. This isn't some pitty trip on me but I am just really down tonight. I talked to J because he just showed up at my house again. He informed me on his drug of choice this weekend which was ice. He spent so much money on him and his brother getting fucked up that it makes my body hurt. Then he wants to tell me he loves me....which is a fucking joke and that he is sorry and that we are going to work through this........ yeah right sorry to bust your bubble j but it is over for good. I am not going to live my life for someone who is just going to hurt me and make me feel the way he does. I am starting to get really stressed out and all I can do is cry. I am in college taking 3 classes which isn't a whole lot but when you are raising 3 young kids and working full time by yourself it can be very stressful. Why did he act so supportive of me going back to school by telling me he would be there to take care of the kids on the night I had to work late and the night I had lots of homework. I have never really had to do it on my own, I have always had him to fall back on and now I don't and it is scaring the hell out of me. My house is a disaster, I have lots of bills due, lots of shit to read for school and all I can do is worry about my stupid husband and what the hell he is doing. Well I am going to go to bed now I have school in the morning. I hope tomrrow is a better day!!