Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!!!!!

WEll my not talking to him ended when he showed up at our house today. I was nervous and didn't want to answer the door but I did. I cracked open the door and he was gripping about "why have I not been answering". He ended up coming in to give our 17 month old son a hug and kiss and then was suppose to leave. He sat down and argued with me for a minute about who was I sleeping with and who was at the house this weekend. He always seems to excuse me when he is really messed up. Funny how that works right..... I am always a whore and a lieing bitch when he is lieing and messed up. Finally got him to leave and then he decided to walk back up to the house, he said through the door he wanted his weedeater. I didn't answer or even let him know I was standing at the door watching him through the peep hole but he stayed for about 30 minutes. Then finally left. Since then I have talked to him on the phone a few times but I just end up crying so I am again not taking his calls. I know it kills him for me not to answer. He has called me non stop for an hour and a half. I answered once and put him on speaker to say goodnight to the kids and he didn't he was just gripping at me for not answering so I hung up. I am just going to have to ignore him. I went to the grocery store this evening and they are settign out all there Haloween stuff. Fall is going to be really hard!!!!! There is all the holidays and the cool weather, just makes you want to have someone there. Luckly my 3 and 5 year old were not home when he came by. I really wish I could get over all this anger. It makes me so mad that he thinks I am stupid enough to believe the lies he is telling me. I could see it in his face today. I know how he looks when he is messed up. He ended up clearing out his bank account today which means his whole $500 payday loan he got in gone in a day and a half. I had wrote a check for daycare out of his account and now it will be returned and I will have to make up for it. That should be no problem since I have so much money just laying around......NOT, hell I am going to struggle to pay the bills. I don't understand how someoen can be so selfish. I am just not like that. I am always thinking of someone else especially my kids. Do you think he at least knows what he is doing is wrong and hurting me and the kids? and if so does he even feel bad? It would make me feel better to know he did instead of thinking that he really believes the things he tells me.