Monday, September 3, 2007
Wondering
I was wondering am I doing what I am suppose to be doing? I am not douting myself in the sense that I believe his lies or that I don't deserve better but am I suppose to try to help him? My friend married to my ex keeps trying to get me to understand he is sick, well in any other circumstance if he were "sick" I would be there to take care of him. I mean should I be there for him trying to get him some help. I am sure this is a time where he really needs someone who cares about him not one of his crackheaded friends but how am I suppose to get him help if he won't admit to me he has a problem. I feel like I am doing the right thing by kicking him out but really I am just giving him more freedom to do it when he wants which is just going to make him worse. Recently we had found a church we both enjoyed going to and I went this Sunday without him. I know at church they talk about making it through your problems. I am just confused..... I love him and I want to help him. If I was in a time of need like this I would hope he would be there for me. Someone please give me some advice on this one.
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3 comments:
My advice is completely unsolicited and perhaps something you don't want to hear, but your plight moves me. Addiction is, I believe, a disease. I wish I could add a link in a comment, but google the word disease and read the Wikipedia definition.
Ok, so lets say it's a disease. Lets turn it into a disease we can identify with; Diabetes. He refuses, here's the key, refuses to take care of himself, knowing that this will kill him. This refusal to take steps to help him with his disease is causing financial and emotional harm to you and yours due to the medical costs etc. Your duty to your children and your sanity is to let go. Let go. There's nothing more you can do until he's willing to help himself. I have much experience with the way dysfunctional men can cause us to act crazy in ways we would normally not. The only healthy thing you can do for you and your sweet babies is to stop letting his shit rule you and let go of him until he takes steps to control his disease. In the meantime, be there, in the moment for those kids of yours. When you're so wrapped up in his shit, you take away from that. It's time you can't get back.
It sounds like you already know this. Good luck!
E is right. Yes, it is a disease, but it is a chronic disease that he has to acknowledge he has and then take steps to manage. He cannot start to get better until he hits bottom and admits he needs help. Whether he is home with you or away with his crackhead friends, he will get worse. There is nothing you can do to stop that slide to bottom. And once he hits bottom, only he can lift himself back up.
I agree with mpj. Once he hits that rock bottom. once he realizes he is loosing everything he is the only one to get him self out. I'm not going to tell you what to do cuz i don't no your whole situation. With F i give him advice and i tell him my opinion i offer to go to meetings with him. But like i said if he is going to pick this drug over having real life then im outta there.
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